Quotes and jokes!

Antaletriangle · 09-12-2008, 11:25 PM

Just thought a light hearted jokey quotey thread would lighten things up if anyone is feeling low at any point-just pop into here there maybe something that tickles yer fancy!!lol!

Start off with some quotations first then let's see if anyone can find some decent,clean jocular stuff?Please add some humour folks.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence;
then success is sure.
Mark Twain

If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either.
Dick Cavett

"You can't say that civilization don't advance,
for in every war they kill you in a new way."
Will Rogers

Nearly all men can stand adversity,
but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
Abraham Lincoln

When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends.
Japanese Proverb

Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow.
The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.
Abraham Lincoln

Chance is always powerful. Let your hook be always cast;
in the pool where you least expect it, there will be a fish.
Ovid

Books are the quietest and most constant of friends;
they are the most accessible and wisest of counsellors,
and the most patient of teachers.
Charles W. Eliot

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
Napoleon Bonaparte

The glory of great men should always be measured by the means they have used to acquire it.
Francois de La Rochefoucauld

In history as in human life, regret does not bring back a lost moment
and a thousand years will not recover something lost in a single hour.
Stefan Zweig

Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.
Albert Camus

He who strikes the first blow admits he's lost the argument.
Chinese Proverb

Half of the American people have never read a newspaper.
Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half.
Gore Vidal

Speak when you are angry - and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret.
Laurence J. Peter

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.
Dan Rather

"There is no way in which birds differ more from man than the way
they can build and yet leave a landscape as it was before."
Robert Lynd

Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking.
Lyndon B. Johnson

Wisdom doesn't automatically come with old age. Nothing does - except wrinkles.
It's true, some wines improve with age. But only if the grapes were good in the first place.
Abigail Van Buren

To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.
Oscar Wilde

The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools.
Doug Larson

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
Carl Jung

The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on.
It is never any use to oneself.
Oscar Wilde

What is the difference between unethical and ethical advertising?
Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public;
ethical advertising uses truth to deceive the public.
Vilhjalmur Stefansson

"If the bee disappeared off the surface of the globe, then man would only have four years left to live." - Albert Einstein

"We abuse land because we regard it as a commodity belonging to us. When we see land as a commodity to which we belong, we may use it with love and respect." - Aldo Leopold

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. - Oscar Wilde

“What do I think of Western civilisation? I think it would be a very good idea.” - Mahatma Gandhi

“No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.” - Voltaire

"Life is thickly sown with thorns, and I know no other remedy than to pass quickly through them. The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater is their power to harm us.” - VOLTAIRE

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

09-12-2008, 11:25 PM	#1
Antaletriangle Avalon Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: U.K. Posts: 3,380	Quotes and jokes! Just thought a light hearted jokey quotey thread would lighten things up if anyone is feeling low at any point-just pop into here there maybe something that tickles yer fancy!!lol! Start off with some quotations first then let's see if anyone can find some decent,clean jocular stuff?Please add some humour folks. All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure. Mark Twain If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either. Dick Cavett "You can't say that civilization don't advance, for in every war they kill you in a new way." Will Rogers Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. Abraham Lincoln When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends. Japanese Proverb Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing. Abraham Lincoln Chance is always powerful. Let your hook be always cast; in the pool where you least expect it, there will be a fish. Ovid Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counsellors, and the most patient of teachers. Charles W. Eliot Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. Napoleon Bonaparte The glory of great men should always be measured by the means they have used to acquire it. Francois de La Rochefoucauld In history as in human life, regret does not bring back a lost moment and a thousand years will not recover something lost in a single hour. Stefan Zweig Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower. Albert Camus He who strikes the first blow admits he's lost the argument. Chinese Proverb Half of the American people have never read a newspaper. Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half. Gore Vidal Speak when you are angry - and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret. Laurence J. Peter Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic. Dan Rather "There is no way in which birds differ more from man than the way they can build and yet leave a landscape as it was before." Robert Lynd Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity. If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking. Lyndon B. Johnson Wisdom doesn't automatically come with old age. Nothing does - except wrinkles. It's true, some wines improve with age. But only if the grapes were good in the first place. Abigail Van Buren To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable. Oscar Wilde The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools. Doug Larson The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. Carl Jung The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself. Oscar Wilde What is the difference between unethical and ethical advertising? Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public; ethical advertising uses truth to deceive the public. Vilhjalmur Stefansson "If the bee disappeared off the surface of the globe, then man would only have four years left to live." - Albert Einstein "We abuse land because we regard it as a commodity belonging to us. When we see land as a commodity to which we belong, we may use it with love and respect." - Aldo Leopold Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. - Oscar Wilde “What do I think of Western civilisation? I think it would be a very good idea.” - Mahatma Gandhi “No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.” - Voltaire "Life is thickly sown with thorns, and I know no other remedy than to pass quickly through them. The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater is their power to harm us.” - VOLTAIRE How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?