I think y'all need to consult Mr. Language Person
Mr. Language Person
Idiot's Guide to Englesh
Weird Word Problems
Some Words of Wisdomality
Examples:
Q. I have just returned from a trip to England, and ...
A. We know that. Get to the point! You're wasting space!
Q. OK, sorry. Anyway, I have just returned from a trip to England, and I noticed that the English put an extra ''u'' in certain words, such as ''rumour,'' ''humour'' and ''The Roulling Stounes.'' Also, they call some things by totally different names, such as ''lift'' when they mean ''elevator,'' ''bonnet'' when they mean ''lorry,'' and ''twit'' when they mean ''former Vice President Quayle.'' My question is, don't they have any dentists over there?
A. Apparently nout.
Q. I have trouble remembering the difference between the words ''whose'' and ''who's.'' Should I put this in the form of a question?
A. In grammatical terminology, ''who's'' is an interlocutory contraption that is used to form the culinary indicative tense.
Q. What are the mandatorical parts of speech that is required to be in a sentence?
A. To be grammatorically correct, a sentence must have three basic elements: (1) A SUBJECT, which is a noun that can be either a person, place or mineral; (2) A VERB, which is a word that describes an action, such as ''kung fu''; and (3) AN OBJECT, which is a noun that weighs two or more pounds. Let's see how these elements combine to form this example sentence, written by Marcel Proust:
"Being late at night, Earl failed to check his undershorts for lipstick stains, which is why he was awokened at 6:30 a.m. by Lurleen whanging him upside his head with a object.''