[Harper]

So last year thinking I was doing the right thing, I put out my cigarette in a hurry before entering the borough market, as I was trying to keep up with my colleague we were both late for a meeting. Not good I know but I usually take great pains to find a bin (in itself not an easy task in europe because of bombs they are very few and far between these days)

Then a woman ran screaming after me to 'halt' I'm not joking. She produced some sort of badge and read me an act really angrily and loudly. I said I was sorry and as a visitor to this country was not aware of the 'new law'. She then told me I could pay 60£ on the spot or 1000£ if I chose to pay later.

Just to be difficult (can't get the post-colonial Irish out of me) I rattled off my address in Paris really quickly in a french accent. Then she looked very confused and asked where I was staying in london, said I was on a day trip, only a little fib I thought :-) Then she asked for a friends or colleague or my boss's address in london. I told her I didn't think the british government could fine me by proxy, by sending the fine to a friend. More confusion arose on her ever redding face, think it was the word proxy, but anyway she wrote up the slip and I took it and walked off. When I looked at the paper as I was walking the description of my crime was, and you just couldn't make this stuff up 'depositing her butt in puddle'.

And they want to arm these people....................