There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.
The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new
employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena ..
'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, 'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...'
'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.
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Crime
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This is a joke you have probably heard before, it is awful and apologies in advance
Crime figures are on the increase, police are arresting more and more people......
Yesterday two people were arrested, one for drinking battery acid and one for eating gun powder...
One was charged and the other was let off!!!!!!
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For the Scottish crew!!
An American decided to write a book about famous churches around theworld.He bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando , thinking that hewould start by working his way across the USA from South to North.
On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read
'$10,000 per call'. The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for$10,000 you could talk to God.
The American thanked the priest and went along his way. Next stop was in Atlanta. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same looking golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000he could talk to God. 'O.K., thank you,' said the American.
He then travelled all across America , Africa, England , Japan&NewZealand. In every church he saw the same looking golden telephone with the same '$US10,000 per call' sign under it..
The American decided to travel to Scotland to see if Scots had the same phone. He arrived in Scotland and again, in the first church he entered,there was the same looking golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read '40 pence per call.' The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.
'Father, I've travelled all over the world and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line toHeaven, but in all of them price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?'
The priest smiled and answered, 'You're in Scotland now, son - it's a local call'.
