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Antaletriangle · 11-07-2008, 10:17 PM

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?"

I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
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Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other

"Does this taste funny to you?"
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one and let the other one off.
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"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.

They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

So that was nice."
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A man walked into the doctors,
The doctor said " I haven't seen you in a long time "

The man replied "I know I've been ill"

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A man walked into the doctors, he said "I've hurt my arm in several places"

The doctor said "well don't go to those places"

I had a ploughman's lunch the other day.

He wasn't very happy.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
I bought some HP sauce the other day.

It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.
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Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.

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Phone answering machine message -

"...If you want to buy marijuana.............press the hash key..."
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I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.

He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
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My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.

A strong currant pulled him in.

11-07-2008, 10:17 PM	#66
Antaletriangle Avalon Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: U.K. Posts: 3,380	Re: Quotes and jokes! So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.' ------------------------------------------------------------------ Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?" ------------------------------------------------------------------ Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. ------------------------------------------------------------------ "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice." ------------------------------------------------------------------ A man walked into the doctors, The doctor said " I haven't seen you in a long time " The man replied "I know I've been ill" ------------------------------------------------------------------ A man walked into the doctors, he said "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said "well don't go to those places" I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy. ------------------------------------------------------------------ I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one of them would have seen it. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana.............press the hash key..." ------------------------------------------------------------------ I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high." ------------------------------------------------------------------ My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.