[martina]

I had a strange experience. I can hardly put it into words, but I try to give a picture. I just sat somewhere and suddenly I saw and felt a kind of air coming and surrounding me, but it was much more dense and very close to my skin, more close than close, it was like a liquid, and I and everything, were floating in it, a beautiful, heavenly fluid that surrounds everything and penetrate everything and it was much and much more real than our life of doing things, talking, thinking, feeling, having all kinds of emotions, relationships and longings, musts and don'ts which binds us in a magical web of endless consequences. I felt very quiete and amazed by this experience. I "saw" that our world of having thoughts, doing things, having opinions, preferences, dislikes, morals, beliefs, everything that makes what we call our life, that that world was just a very thin film/skin on the surface of the substance, the fluid that was more truth, more real, most close to myselfs, more close than even that thing that I call myself. It was a existence that had his own relation with my hart and I was just a witness.
I think this is what we call love. It has nothing to do with whatever, also not with putting yourself in a box because you must be a good girl.
I think, if you don't feel this love, you are in a box whatever you do, wearing a mask of a good person or a spiritual person or a bad person, it does not matter, its all fake, all ego, all fear.

I think you must live as you think is best for you, nobody can know what is good for others. But if you feel the flow of love and you go with it, its always with feelings of oness, with devotion, dedication, not surrender.