[Heretic]

great thread

I haven't forgiven myself for EVERYTHING terrible I have done in my life

well, maybe I have but sometimes I remember something I had forgotten and then work it out in my head

whenever I hit a new level and make a leap in consciousness, I spend alot of time going back through my past memories and relive them in my head with the new understanding I have reached

It is a very liberating experience because you realize your not so bad after all and forgiveness is quite simple, just as if you are watching someone else's life go by and understanding why they did what they did and feel no anger towards them at all.

if we could only forgive ourselves just as easy as we forgive others

I am also reminded of what Dannion Brinkley reveals through his NDEs. You have no idea of how much good you do. You do an overwhelmingly amount of good things compared to the bad things you do, much more than you realize. Everything matters, even that friendly smile you give to another as you pass them on the sidewalk. You may have stopped someone from committing suicide without ever knowing it due to a kind word that you might shrug off as nothing.

Everything matters...

SO in the spirit of this thread:

I was a somewhat normal boy who would hurt animal like most boys do. Ants and magnifying glasses, shooting birds for fun, frogs and firecrackers, I even killed a cat once....I grew up in the country so things like this were kinda normal for kids back then.

as I grew up I would remember these things and feel terrible about what I have done

then...

My later life produces lots of pets, dogs, cats, and of other various and exotic types of animals.

I now am the guy who is outside at dawn, feeding the birds and squirrels and nurturing them in ways I cannot explain, I now have a connection with animals I never had before that goes way beyond and empathic relationship with them.

The relationship also goes two ways, they like me and crawl on me etc, there have been times I could have just reached out and touched wild birds who seem to come very close to me, stellar jays but crows mostly and the occasional seagull.

There have been moments in which they engaged with me so personally that tears would roll down my face from the shear beauty of the moment when they show so much trust reguardless if I have food or not to give. I have seen some really cool things that National Geographic would be jealous of.

But I would also remember my crimes against animals and it would effect me even more deeply. The regret grows along with my relationship to my animal friends. It can still be a battle and I think I have forgiven myself hundreds of times for it, and I am sure I will have to do it again.

Weird thing is, when I go somewhere else, the animals there treat me as if they know me too, even though that level of trust hasn't been established. They wont climb on me or get as close as my friends at home do, but I can feel that they too know me and do approach me somewhat too.

This has been my greatest regret in my life because I have come to the conclusion that we are the caretakers of this planet and are meant to care for them as we would our children so that they too can reach their maximum potential while they are incarnated here. I honestly feel that they were originally not afraid of us. They had to learn it due to our actions over time.

So perhaps my karmic debt has been to correct my relationship by developing this bond, and do what I can to make their life a bit more pleasurable, without disrupting their livelihood. I am just thrilled that I got to do this all in one life.

peace