[raulduke]

Hello Paul, it's good to hear from you.

I can relate to these heavy feelings you're having.
I too feel that thus far, in life, I have been on a solo mission, never quite finding a social niche that would accept me or that I could accept.
I love my friends and family, but I cannot spark their interests in these immensely important subjects. At first their disinterest made me want to "dissapear myself" and become a recluse of sorts, but it hasn't come to that yet. Mostly, I have stopped trying to change minds, but I still engage them in normal subject matter. I exist now in two worlds kind of. One where perception is reality, and one where reality is hidden.

For awhile this intellectual isolation worried me. Maybe I am wrong I thought, maybe everything is the way it seems. But this is more than an idea, it's a feeling and it is unshakeable.

Have you ever read "The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy"?

"You know," said Arthur thoughtfully, "all this explains a lot of things. All through my life I've had this strange unaccountable feeling that something was going on in the world, something big, even sinister, and no one would tell me what it was."

"No," said the old man, "that's just perfectly normal paranoia. Everyone in the Universe has that."

There is a reason we all have this feeling, and there there is a reason that society does so much to dissuade that feeling.

You are not alone brother.