[Avid]

As a longtime viewer of Project Camelot, I welcomed this innovation.
I have wandered all threads, and most of the posts, for weeks now, and also my multiple tabs have been open on many many other sites, just to keep up is now becoming exhausting. To what end?
I was quire poorly 3 months ago and stopped using my computer, watching TV, and just went out and did gardening, saw to my relatives, and slept peacefully.
I stupidly bought myself a new mac to do creative things and got 'wheedled' in again - I watched as the major posters got even more competitive - with their large avatars and unusual communicatory literacy, I found it compulsory to do the 'alternative rounds' again. It takes all day every day! I am early retired. I appreciate there are some people out there who find this their only means of communication, but we MUST LIVE OUR LIVES!
One find's oneself doing things with money, disregarding the 'state of play' of normalcy, because one is in a fixated 'doom-laden' anxiety, our vibrations becoming so low as to make oneself ill, when the whole of this forum is supposedly positive. I applaud all those who can rise above the fear and be proactive - I am met with resilience, but have stored all relevant materials for the 'just-in-case' scenario. I've spent money on wind-up radios with short wave etc, wind-up lanterns, and now seem to 'hunkered down' unwilling to travel on any 'key dates'. This is NOT what we should be doing surely?

I am half-awake - in a nightmare - I want to relax but worry for my family, I do the deep-breathing, but there it is - in the background - the ultimate fear. Please please stop this... so I'm off back to my gardening (I hope), but will desperately try to stop looking at the pre-marked dates on my calender and reorganising around it.
I hope I am not one of many...
Please, 'ground crew' it implies you are the only survivors - I am too unwell to help you unless you need reiki.
I am utterly depressed.