[rustanddust]

the few times I tried hallucingenics they've always put me in a state of happiness and love and peace....and gave me the sense that all is right with the world

except for the last time I tried it, I completely overloaded(prolly took a bit too much) and went into a state of terror.....I felt everything too much. I heard, saw, smelt, and felt everything to much. shapes formed when I closed my eyes and I smelled and heard strange things, to be honest I dont exactly remember what was going on? I remember being terrified of dying. my friends told me I kept on repeating "I dont want to die". I though I was. dying I mean. and then I finally did and I believed the only reason everything seemed to be exactly the way it was, was that my mind was recontructing reality as I remembered it to be, a 3-D physical reality, in order to keep my dead self/soul/being from going insane. (which is not exactly far away from the truth it seems!) and then I fell asleep eventually and woke up in the morning absolutely shocked that I was still alive. lol!

my pseudo-******** psychological evaluation of myself was that I had experienced ego-death when I wasn't really for it(still too invested/clung to ego too much at that time)

sooo anyway after that I went through some other things and stuff...unpleasant. however I am still willing to try them again, now in a different state of consciousness hopefully