[aroundthetable]

zen Teachings

1.�Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just **** off and leave me alone.�

2.�Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

3.�Never test the depth of the water with both feet.�

4.�If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.�

5.�Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes..�

6.�If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.�

7.�Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

8.�If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.�

9.�If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything..�

10.�Some days you are the bug; some days you are the wind screen.�

11.�Good judgment comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgment.�

12.�A closed mouth gathers no foot.�

13.�There are two excellent theories for arguing with women.. Neither one works.�

14..�Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.�

15.�Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.�

16.�We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass ... then things just keep getting worse.�

17.�Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.�