Quote:
Originally Posted by lindabaker
Set an example. Simply. No need for argument. Just my two cents. Linda
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Quote:
Originally Posted by THE eXchanger
sounds like, 2 months b4 the marriage, you knew
~is there a reason you went ahead with the wedding ?
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Greybeard & Gita, thank you, your advice is very similar to what my close awakened friend has said.
But, Lindabaker & THE eXchanger, straight to the heart of the matter, the way I prefer communication --> I'm glad the "2 months before" was brought up, that has rarely been a response I've received but has gone through my mind often. At the time I had also just been fired from a job I had been at for 2yrs and was counting on for the wedding....job market wasn't good here in austin at the time. ..I was questioning my own sanity at the time because I was just learning about 9/11 being an inside job, The Franklin Credit Union Scandal, The Bush connections to JFK, the high profile individuals involved in satanism & ritual abuse, the connections of scientists like Jack Parson's & Oppenheimer, all at the same time. ...I could write a small encyclopedia with all of the information connecting now, but at the time I was kind of stunned and in a state of slight shock, and although I questioned whether I should continue forward at the time, I also told myself there was a reason I proposed in the first place and had willingly been involved in making it happen up until this point. I haven't forgotten that still. I also blamed it on pre-wedding jitters. ..I let it continue out of respect for her, and fear of retribution from both immediate families, didn't want to disappoint them and knew they would not understand, ..reasons and optimism that I would be able to change myself through self-work and set examples (Lindabaker). ......*sigh* , and not that I don't think that's still possible - I have in many small ways, usually easy simple obvious things like trying to move finances to small bank, shopping w/ the local farmers markets (multiples in austin), installing chlorine/fluoride house filters, purchased MMS book, supplement, and DVD, been using it for a year and helped cure multiple ailgments etc. ..even these types of subjects are met with strong resistance/ from all family and usually silence from my wife. She wants to watch cable TV Project Runway, Top Chef, or Intervention (ugh) or Cold Case Files, watch Inconvenient Truth, SiCkO, but none of the Project Camelot interviews, none of the Conscious Media Network interviews, nothing that has anything to do with the information I research no matter the subject matter of alt medicine, alt philosophies, alt sciences, science of consciousness, "hidden mysteries" - it came out in a discussion once as "accidentally" stemming from bundling all of my
other research with the first thing I ever found, 9/11 being an inside job. But even after the realization that all of these subjects were being thrown into the same defensive filter, even after stating in the moment that she was interested in some of the other topics, it didn't change things, the subjects were never brought up again. ...felt like I was just being paid lip service.
At the same time, part of the reason her & I are at the place we are in now is because of decisions I too made along the way. Since we've been married, we bought our first house this past Sept '09. I resisted house hunting initially because, I must admit, I might have been listening to Jones too often and was not in the mood to trust a realtor or a mortgage broker, especially at the beginning of 2009 and the state all of the markets where in. ....So, that brought out the conversation "what are our goals for the immediate and long term future" ... that brought up a previously discussed point that after waking up, I no longer want to be just another sheep on the block, living the same life as the guy next door watching the TV all the time wondering who & when someone's going to save us all or insist we wear identification bracelets. I've known since I first woke up for the first time in my life that there was a reason I happened to be homeschooled and technology was 2nd nature to me, and that advantage could help me help thousands of people. That I could actually build a free energy device at such a cost it could be replicated by anyone, just to start with. ...but it seems impossible when your partner doesn't believe in you or see the point in trying to make that kind of difference, that it's even possible, or doesn't think humanity is worth it or even if they are, that's what reincarnation is for. ...to quote her, "it's all relative".
Having to spoon feed up-to-date alternative news & information while often getting rhetorication back, ..remembering that one of the main reasons (immature I admit, but I was 26 at the time) I sought this person out was because she was older than me, she had a very different upbringing and many more life experiences than I did, and I thought at the time that would be good for me, that I needed that widening of perspective...
Quote:
Originally Posted by redtailhawk
Hi MD3inAustin,
but they must be open and respectful, and choose to want to learn where the other person may be coming from.
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Thank you Redtailhawk, this is where my mind keeps going back to. Part of my depression & confusion & anger comes from the respect I lost for her.... .....the lack of inquisitiveness, and then the disrespect & cockiness - really, it was the lack of curiosity, the lack of questioning me, and the attitude she had of herself that even in the moment of stating she didn't want to hear it, she was still open-minded - it seemed so backwards, so hypocritical at such a shocking level that the more it happened the more insulting it felt to my own intelligence & sanity.
........
I think the BIG question lingering over my head boils down to do I stay with a person who in public is "supporting" my "research" but behind closed doors has more of a "put up with it" attitude or looks for opportunities to pull me away and would prefer me to wake up one morning having forgot the whole thing. ...When I feel inside that if I was by myself I could be a thousand times more active & effective & would be happy, fulfilled and complete by service to others even while being alone. ...
...yes, sad to say the ego or mental voice has been nearly yelling at me on & off for a year now to "Get Out!" , but with all the above said, in the end, I can't stand the thought of putting her through breaking-up, I care too much to know I caused her that kind of pain - she's had bat shjt crazy events happen to her in the past - which seems to reinforce her thought that even in my "crazy conspiracy'ness" that I'm still the only man in the world that will be good enough to or for her......I think she could find plenty of men that will care & treat for her the same way (I know many) based off the attributes, she notices. I think the only reason she hadn't before me is she has a poor technique or sensor, bad judge of male character. ...She probably would have never noticed me much less held her attention to me long enough had I not found her, approached her, and was persistant even after being ignored the 1st time.
...I guess I'm having a hard time understanding the point or value of maintaining a relationship if it's not a mutal partnership journey...? How can leading a double life of being the married family guy, and the other being a researcher activist inventor, be healthy on a physical, mental, or spiritual level? ...reminds me of what Tsarion says about man being the most self-sacrificial creature, I would make that sacrifice without a 2nd thought - if I knew it would accomplish positivity - but I'm not seein it...maybe I've tunneled my conscious awareness too much. ?
.......*sigh*
...i've rambled too much.....just going to post this and be quite for a while.
Thanks again gita, greybeard, lindabaker & THE eXchanger <-the exact depth in communication I've been trying to get at, mntruthseeker <- really helped humble & calm me, mudra <-helped me realize my need for personal realignment first, Gnosis5, Myplanet2 <- I've noticed the same increase in postings of this type in forums similar to this, futureyes & redtailhawk <- your words are the reinforcement I needed to confirm I'm not crazy but also need to practice more patience and stay internally balanced when attempting to decipher the situation and what I need to do.
Thank you all again, I have much to contemplate and then meditate on <--Thanks to The Genius Frequency & The Law of One for this understanding.
P.S. Is there any substance to the idea of trying to make direct communication with my higher self to seek advice in this area? And if so, what is the most effective technique?