[Moxie]

Am tired.... of the day in and day out, of my checking in here for more of the 'not knowing what to think'...
I am retired and just 57, raise chickens for eggs, have a greenhouse w/tomatoes setting fruit, have a beautiful home, a loving husband, 2 cats and a dog, surrounded by the forest, 30 minutes from town.

Am ready to quarantine here for a year if need be, have all canning supplies & large garden... plenty of heirloom seeds etc. All these things manifested into my life quite naturally the past 3 years, all the while reading and watching videos/interviews at camelot/avalon... so, it seemed I was at least doing things that would help secure survival whatevercomesdownthepike.

but I just don't care much for any activities anymore.
Even my bones feel funny, sort of empty. Last night I laughed quite a bit enjoying some company and my husband says I'm laughing in my sleep often. But I have no zeal left for much.

It's wonderful sometimes not even knowing what day it is, but it seems like life has lost its savour these past several years.... there isn't anything that I want to do, however, I've decided to live day to day as though life is going to continue as "usual", going to try and start a business propogating plants for mail order.

My brother asked me last night what I thought of 2012 and my view is so complicated, well, I could not answer other than earth changes and the economy, the state of the planet, mind control....

I have this feeling that whatever is going to happen is going to be something really big, worldwide.

Having "things" does not make me happy... I've built decks, laid tile, updated the house, it's all nice, but it does not make me happy.

I have 3 or 4 close friends that are my spiritual advisors, that "get me" that I can talk to, my husband is aware of all of this.

It's not just me either, but I'm having short term memory problems... I'm in a brain fog. I feel like I am being affected by some exterior energies that I wonder if others are as well.

Mostly I think I'm sad, sober is a better word, with all this awareness, I often ask, what is the point of being "awake" or awakening others when we all don't have a means of joining forces in numbers physically to make an changes.... and then the ones that seem to be the most intensely knowledgable, for spriritual work, like Ashayana Deane, are very expensive...

I keep hearing "time is short" from Cliff, from the Dane Tops, others.... and I am still waiting for Bill to answer my question about that - what are they talking about REALLY!!!

so, you see, I'm "waiting" too for something certain that is going happen.