Well, the initial awakening was rather rough, to say the least. It came about when my 11yo daughter was killed when I was 33. Up till then my life had been full, progressive, interesting, you could say. The things that I had envisioned, dreamed about had largely manifested. You know, all the 3d 'stuff' enough money, new house, husband, three healthy kids, lived in the country. When Charmaine was killed, it was if God picked me up by the scruff of the neck, shook the **** out of me, popped me down again, and said "Now work it out!!"
I was mad as hell! How dare this tragedy happen and ruin the life that I'd planned. (It was all about me!!!!)LOL.Well, anyway that set me on the path to find out what the hell it was all about and I wanted "Truth" !!! No newage touchy feely BS - just the real deal.
I read and I read and I read. Tried to join groups, but none of them measured up. Eventually read Ramtha's White Book and knew that was the Truth. It was like being reminded of something I already knew but had forgotten. Went to the Ramtha School back in 89 in Yelm Washington, then didnt go back again for 12 years. In those interim years I had much learning and karma to go through.
Its one thing to know about something, its a whole different story to live it. But I started to live it and it was bloody difficult. I felt depressed, hopeless trapped and useless at times. I would go up and down like a yo-yo.
Kept reading, many of the books that people have shared here I have read. The learning was gradual, very gradual, but progressive. It was marked by progress, expansion at times that kept me going. I would suddenly 'get' something, 'understand' and my energy would soar. For a time. Then Id crash again, but the memory of that high, expanded time would keep me going.
Went back to the Ramtha School in 04 (I think) when they came to Australia. Thought I'd be way behind all the other students who had been there for years but found that I wasnt. My home study and the **** Id cleared from my life was progressive.
It was a very solitary work. I had some people I could talk to, but not many.
My husband didnt understand any of what I was learning, but we still stayed together although our paths were very divergent. His opposition helped me to move in consciousness.
As I learned, applied what I learned, experienced the learning and understood, my energy increased. One important aspect of change is to accept yourself as you are, warts and all. Sometimes its difficult to access the set beliefs and attitudes that we have aquired along the way, but dig them out we must if we wish to progress.
Its what we see in other people that pisses us off thats the projected 'stuff' we refuse to see or accept in ourselves. Its a humbling experience but well worth it.
With progress, expansion in consciousness comes a corresponding 'power' that brings with it a tremendous responsiblity. We cannot be trusted with power until we have reached a certain level of Love, of Unconditional Love.
That comes when we fall in Love with the fabulous Being inside of Us. That is when we are trustworthy. We realise then that we'd never been in Love before. Not really - it was always needy Love, or lusty Love, certainly very conditional. We are then balanced in our Female/Male, Male/Female aspects. We are sort of complete and never alone. We have a very definite companionship with the God Within us.
This is quite weird talking about all this. I feel sort of naked!!!
Thats sort of it.
Love
Carmen