...and this
Could be the word " a-wa-re"?
"The traditional meaning of the term seemed to fit the feeling common to both of us. It had a hint of sadness, and at the same time, what could even be called joy. It seemed to me that the feeling suggested an affinity between beauty and sadness."
Hmm..not sure...
http://www.baja.org/sensuousline/sline0898/aware.html