Ortho, I understand what you are saying. I lived just about the same thing in my life. The wake up call is certainly a hard fruit to digest. But the good news is certainly more meaningful than the bad news.
We head to the direction where our focus is. Change your focus, change the course of your life. This is what is happening now. Poeple on Earth are changing their focus, even with all efforts from the manipulators to prevent it, the poeple in their deepest unconscious ask for a New World. ''Something has to happen'' they say, wishing for a best outcome and for the most, unconsciously.
Namaste
, Steven