STORY OF THE WEEK
GRATITUDE IN A BROKEN HEART
By Lyndra Hearn Antonson
The only reoccurring childhood nightmare I ever had was about
cats taking over the world. I would wake up, get out of bed, and
act out a new ending to the dream in which I befriended the enemy
cats by feeding them milk and saved the day. For most of my life,
being around cats caused me to sneeze and itch and made my eyes
water. As I got older, I seemed to be okay as long as I didn't
actually touch cats or stay too long in a home where cats resided.
I really liked Dale, my husband-to-be. He had two cats, so I decided
it was time to make my peace with them. Binx was easy. A tabby with
golden eyes and fur the same color, he was very shy and hid whenever
I arrived at Dale's house.
Buzz was another entity entirely. A black and white tortoise shell
cat, he seemed to have multiple personality disorder. At once, he
would coax me in, acting as if he was ready to be my closest buddy
for all time. The next moment, in the midst of my innocent petting,
he would suddenly hiss as if I were his foe. I would jump back,
heart racing, and commit to never trying to be his friend again.
This cycle repeated until a life-death crisis occurred. Dale and I
returned to his house from Christmas shopping to discover Buzz lying
half-dead in a pool of blood, moaning in pain. We rushed him to the
vet who told us Buzz was in rough shape and would likely not make it.
While in the veterinary hospital, we learned that Buzz had a cell
mast tumor on his head that was inoperable. The tumor would swell
and create histamines that caused his stomach to bleed and resulted
in his vomiting blood. Even when he improved and was able to return
home, his condition was precarious.
Having been so close to losing Buzz made me realize how much I'd
grown to love the little crabby bugger! While Dale was working his
usual 24-hour shifts, I stopped by after work to make sure Buzz was
okay and to apply Jin Shin Jyutsu (healing energy) treatments to
the ailing cat. I don't know what it was exactly that caused Buzz
to see me differently. All I know is that from that time onward,
Buzz loved me, too.
Over the next two years, Buzz miraculously survived two more of
these near-death episodes. Dale and I knew that Buzz's tumor would
eventually lead to his death, but we hoped to have many more good
years with him.
It was Sunday, October 3, one week before our greatly anticipated
wedding. As we were preparing for bed that evening, Buzz suddenly
began to howl in that familiar way that signaled he was in pain
and big trouble. I assumed we'd bring him to the emergency vet as
we'd done three times before. They'd treat him, and we'd bring him
home. But Dale knew otherwise.
Dale and Buzz were dear buddies. The love bond between them was
palpable and could melt the hardest of hearts. Through their inner
communication, Dale understood it was Buzz's time to go.
This was completely unacceptable to me. As far as I was concerned,
there was no way that God would allow Buzz to die the week of our
wedding. It was too sick of a cosmic joke to play on anyone. We
would take Buzz to the vet, and he would rally as he had before.
Dale's certainty finally woke me from my fantasy of denial. There
was calmness in his knowing that, no matter how much we fought
against it, this was simply Buzz's time to go.
After a sleepless night of crying and comforting Buzz and each other,
Dale went into work to let his employer know he had to return home
as quickly as possible. We scheduled an appointment with our vet
to assist Buzz in leaving his worn out body. As I awaited Dale's
return, I sat on the floor cuddling Buzz. His breathing became more
irregular. I called Dale and said, "You need to get home now." Five
minutes after Dale's return home, Buzz left his physical body.
We were both devastated. At that moment, I was so overcome with
grief and anger that I didn't even care about our wedding. I
imagined walking down the aisle with a red-blotched face as the
photographer and videographer captured the event. I didn't even
care what I looked like. Nothing else mattered.
Dale and I walked through the day in slow motion. We used a wedding
present check to purchase a blue spruce tree and planted it in the
backyard. We lovingly added Buzz's body and our dog Jack's ashes to
the earth along with the tree. We named it our "Buzz-Jack-Wedding"
tree. This sacred honoring of our beloved family members helped to
ground and comfort me.
After the initial shock wore off, I accepted that the timing of
Buzz's death was somehow necessary. But why? Why did Buzz have to
die six days before our wedding? I continued to pose the question
inwardly.
As I lay on the acupuncturist's table the following day after
asking this question, I received the answer. Jack, who had been
my beloved dog for 12 years and had passed four months earlier,
and Buzz had both fulfilled their missions with us. They had come
into our lives to offer love and companionship until Dale and
I found each other. Our wedding was the beginning of a new cycle
together. It was not right for Jack or Buzz to continue with us into
our new cycle. They each needed to begin their own new cycles and
adventures elsewhere. They had finished what they came here to do.
Buzz was allowed to stay a while longer to be with us after losing
Jack. But he, too, had to leave before the wedding. He stayed as
long as he possibly could while giving us time to recover before our
wedding. The day after Buzz died, my sister arrived from out-of-town,
and our total focus re-shifted from my being concerned about the
cat's health to looking forward to our wedding and the celebration
of our love and commitment.
Although my heart still ached, I was overwhelmed with gratitude
for this incredible man I'd finally found and was going to marry;
for our many friends and family arriving to help us celebrate; and
for these amazing souls in animal bodies who touched our lives in
ways words can't describe. They were leaving us in great hands!
Visit
www.angelanimals.net/nlimage16.html to view images of Buzz
and Jack.
BIO:
Lyndra Hearn Antonson is a Certified Professional Life Coach with
a specialty in love and relationships. Learn more about her at
www.joyofthejourney.org.
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT
:
What special missions have animals had in your life?
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ANGEL ANIMALS QUOTES OF THE WEEK
"Those who are silent, self-effacing and attentive become the
recipients of confidences."
--Thornton Wilder
"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person."
--Andrew A. Rooney
"One touch of Nature makes the whole world kin."
--William Shakespeare
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