Thank you milk and honey for your insight.
Slowly I am actually able to comprehend your syntax.
As for listening and conversing with my higher self, I would very much like to do that. Yet, I am standing in my own way it seems.
There is much I have to learn to achieve what needs achieving in the physical realm and even though I know that all comes when it comes, the timeframe at the moment is very narrow.
I have relied on just living for the past two years hoping maybe for some kind of Zen understanding. 'Wash your bowl.' In that time, I feel now, I have been able to come up with many subconscious ideas that now all prove right especially in regard to the suggestions put forward on the Nexus 2012 thread. Nevertheless, it also lulled me into a certain laziness. I simply did not engage with all the topics that never drew me but are necessary tools. Maths or extensive amounts of specific learning, be it vocabulary or chemistry never appealed to me, in fact they seemed to cover over what I knew inside me. I am only now catching up and ready to learn all this. I am still not sure whether the information actually is a basis of understanding or whether the fact of engaging with it is what matters. It is similar to learning a language. Do we really learn the symbols that stand for each letter, sound and meaning or do we simply train to tap into the flow?
I've always been a flow person, not always with the flow, but focusing on the nature of the flow. Life to me is self-arranging and constantly rearranging by the context that new parts establish.
Now I have reached a point that allows me to look at the specificity of flows, symbols on their own, one might say. It is as if I descended one more level from a general presence into a now more detailed manifestation of that presence to learn its specifics. Did I go one level up or down? Why do I need to know more than one level?
The ultimate challenge/problem is that I seem to know what I'm looking for, I know how it feels and its quality, there is no question to all of this. In fact, visualisation, mantras and mudras and what not, feel silly to be because I KNOW.
However, the 'tools' for these processes always accomplish to frustrate me. It doesn't matter whether I am animating and struggle with the program, trying to be aware but forget to breathe, meditating but all I hear is people talking in the distance, a sudden bark, my nose itches or if it is about talking to my higher self and all I get is ideas rambling in my own dome.
Seriously, someone open the bloody gates.
